Done

I'm done with it. Time to execute the drill. You might be surprised by things that I could pull off. No more bargaining.

I'm

D.O.N.E

~

Smile!~

Just smile and all the pain will go away.

It will ease away the pain.

=D =D =D

=) =) =)

^^ ^^ ^^

Mission accomplished.

=D

-,-

If you've made up your mind, please don't bother changing it.

You have seen it coming. The next time, just ignore. Ignore and pretend you do not know.

It's not worth it. Now trying to console myself.

What's not yours from the beginning is never a lost when you lose it. So look on the bright side, you did not lose anything.

Now, telling myself. Not to give in anymore. Enough is enough. No more games, no more manipulating.

Please. I beg you to let me go.

Celebration

Congratulations Yih-Jie Wong. Today, you just lost a friend. For your extreme luck, you are awarded with a lifetime supply of sorrow, remorse and animosity. Well, maybe it's better off like this than lying to yourself right?

When you think about it, maybe you've just made a person free from your control. Oh wait, was I controlling or was I the one being controlled?

Anyways, going to celebrate this special day. With a date with my pillow, blanket and bed that are the only ones that can drench themselves in what I feel. Too bad they are only not human. If not, they would make great company.

Still the same

You always know when to get me. And most importantly where. It's always been like that. I wonder why I always let myself be the puppet. Pulled with strings that are controlled by you. How I wish that one day I would be able to cut those strings and set myself free. However, a puppet is lifeless without the strings to direct him.

So what now? Should I just cut the strings and be lifeless, or should I carry on being your puppet for the rest of my life?

Better, why don't I just disappear for a moment or two. Maybe it's time. You never really needed me. I was merely just a decoration.

Well, hustle up now. It's time to make a decision.

=(

It's so clever when someone knows how to use different types of sentences in different type of situations.

Maybe indirectly you're the mastermind after all. I just the follower obeying to your every rule.

Lets just keep it short. Maybe not sweet. Somehow, I feel bitter now.

Penible!!!~

It's really getting tired and sickening. Sometimes you get sick living with it and sometimes you feel so lost without it.

How much longer must it carry on? Soon, you will find a replacement. And soon, there will be no use of this scrap anymore. Or do you still need this scrap to become your minion and do all the jobs for you while you, sir all high and mighty just relax and unwind killing time peacefully?

I really don't like being used if that's the way it is now. But deep down inside me, I believe I'm right and what others say are not correct. I solemnly do. = =...

So, you there, do not give me a reason. A reason to regret my choices. A reason to not want to believe anymore. Well, that's handy. As if I've not made enough wrong choices. =,=|| !!~

The reason?

May I know the reason why in the first place you're doing this to me?

You just seem so secretive. You don't show it. You don't talk about it.

All you ever do is avoid it.

Maybe to you it's all normal, but have you ever thought of the feelings of others?

Did you ever think that by doing so, you will hurt someone? Maybe me?

I'm not as good as a broom, able to sweep away dusts and rubbish constantly. I am nothing but only human.

Sometimes I wish you would just be truthful to me. Sometimes I wish you would.

Sometimes there's you a small part in me, thinking that its disappointing. Not you. Me. Disappointed in myself.

So next time you talk to me, think what is the real reason you find me for. Don't use be for your own benefit. Think of me. Don't be selfish. I end with a thank you.

Reminder to self.

No, I will not. I promised I will not. It's just a small challenge for me. I can do it. I will not look back and think about it again. I will try my best to move on. =)....

Finished liao...reminding myself...yes..now back to my work.. = =

Too many things to care for, too many things to tend to.

It's been a very very very very extremely hectic week. Barely slept 4 hours a day during the night, but luckily i still manage to catch forty winks in the afternoon. *sighs*. Being so relaxed during the first few weeks when uni started and now, barely living it out by not choking and getting myself drown. = . =

So what? It's just the beginning. With the due date of an integrated project coming new, with 5 labs within 2 weeks, where 3 labs are continuous and going for a camp on the weekend. Gosh, I wonder whether I would survive next week.

Feels like shit. Tastes like hell. Sometimes I just wish I could just sit back, shake my legs and hope that everything ends well. But looks like that ain't coming. Maybe it's just me trying to inhale everything into myself and soak myself in it so that I will not think too much. =).

Yeah, it's going to be a hell of weeks, but for once, maybe I feel liberated? haha....
It's been going fine now, no messages from you, no conversations from you whatsoever and most importantly no feud. It makes it simpler to not care because it's not important to you.

Just here to rant some stuffs and now, after a energizing bath, I'm off to drenching myself again. Let's hope I get out alive, or not. =D

Reflections.

It's been a while since I last posted something. ^^

Reason for not updating, because I can't find anything to talk about. =)

Fact is, not that I don't have anything to talk about. Just that I don't think it's worth to be talked. For the past few weeks I've been trying to remain calm and regain my composure. haha~....not sure if it's working but I'm definitely trying. It came to my conscious that it is evident that you can trust no one but yourself. That is, of course if you don't want to get hurt.

It's funny how mind works. When you lose something, you will try all ways to try to find back that precious thing. When you do not find it, you feel that you're devastated and demoralized. What if, after a few weeks later, it reappeared again? Out of nowhere. Maybe you would be happy, maybe you won't feel anything.

The feeling is not just the same anymore as when you first owned it. The feeling is different now. When searching for the missing item, sometimes I might also hurt others unintentionally. It's not that I want to, but I did not notice it. Maybe I am just too carried away by the disappearance of the item that I neglected others that were important to me as well. It's not that I don't care about the rest. Sometimes explaining after something happened brings even more harm.

If they are true to you, one day, they will understand. Anyways, just wanted to apologize if it really did harm to you all. =).

As the days of the new year increase, I hope maybe I will not be stubborn anymore. =).
I hope that I would not be bound by the thing I've always been searching for.
I hope that I will not trust anyone so easily anymore.
I hope that I will not treat everyone so good anymore.
I hope that I will be back to what I'm best at. =P
I hope that from now on, these walls built around me will be strong enough to withstand the currents and pressure from the surrounding.

Last but not least, yes, people do change. It is evident now. But for the better or for the worse nobody can tell. Different people has different views. It's up to u how you interpret it. When someone has changed, you can do nothing to change the person back to the original, but you can only hope that the new person is just as good as the previous one.

One can forgive another persons mistake, but can one really forget? Let's just keep it as a memoir for us to remind ourselves that nobody is perfect and nothing is eternal. Things change. People change.

I guess it will be quite sometime before I update. =D ( sulah mau tidur la~~ haha.. )

For you, a friend I once known.

I guess, the waiting has to end. Sooner or later, reality will prevail. Dreams will be dashed and hopes will be dampened. Frankly speaking, I never put much hope on it? I knew there weren't hopes at the very least.

People have been complaining, what a sombre blog, what a emotional blog, so why not? This is what you get in my blog. What you see, is what you get. What you get, is not what you like. So what am I supposed to do with this? Continuous ignoration. Yeah, that's what I will do. Sometimes I just prefer to voice it out here, rather than throw a tantrum elsewhere. So maybe for once, if you don't see me posting any updates, you should be glad that I'm content with how I am.

Don't get me wrong. There are happy and joyous things that happen, but there is always just that one small little pest that can make it all null. I guess maybe I've improved? After more than a month, and now I'm here posting about it. Maybe it just wasn't as important as before?

My friend, it has been more than a month. Is there really nothing left to chatter between the two of us? Is this what I get when I act selflessly? Maybe not to the extent but I dare say I've contributed. Well, being ignored does hurt, but what hurts the most is being ignored by you.

I've really got nothing to say anymore. Now that it has passed. Now that almost everything is lost. Let's just say that the milk left on the table has turned sour. Any consumption of it will just cause discomfort to your stomach. Just the same as the condition we are in. I guess the gift that I presented to you is the last gift I will ever give to you. Very well, a parting gift. If that's how you like it to be, if that's how you want things to be between us, then very well. Let all the good times we had just be nothing but a memory that will be a part of my mind forever.

For you, a friend I once known, trusted, talked to and cherished.

There is only so much that I can take

It's almost a week now. My anger became regret, my regret became remorse, and my remorse became repent.

Albeit all that, I still couldn't win your forgiveness. I really meant no harm with the words that I said. You used to push me around with your jokes. I never thought that you would be hurt that way. By my words. Or is it not the reason?

At least if you're angry you could at least tell me. You just chose to ignore me. And ignore me. And ignore me. There is only so much that I can take. I'm really running out of options. People ask me to not care. But could I not?

What I thought, was not the same now anymore. People say that as time changes, people change. Are you one of them? I really hope you're not. These few days, I've just not been myself. You know my character and yet you let me, ignore me, and left me to fend for myself.

I just don't know what else I can do to redeem myself. To have back a friend like you. There is only so much that I can do. I really don't know what else I can do. Do you wan me to kneel down and beg you? Cos that's what I'm willing to do. Yeah, pathetic I guess, but that's the state I am now.

Pathetic

&

Hopeless.

Into thin air~

You don't have to hide.

You don't have to run away.

I will be the one.

To do the little disappearing act.

So save your time, save your energy.

Cause you know what?

Your time starts now.

Emotional or Emotionless?

Is it so hard to keep a promise?

A promise not to someone else, but to your own.

You betrayed yourself.

What's worse is that you can't punish yourself for breaking that promise because you are already hurt by the process itself. =(.

You're just not strong enough to withstand the temptation.

You're just too weak to prolong in this situation.

You're just useless without someone accompanying you.

You're nothing, as compared to others. =)

Guess I'm trying not hard enough as once again, the emotions are back again. =,="

For the past few weeks, I guess I tried to wipe away all these feelings. It is not because it is not there, but I just ignored it and tell myself it would be a better day tomorrow. =). As much as I've tried, I think I have became a casualty.

But well, this time things might be different. Different in a way that I'm slowly rotting and crumbling and this time, nobody is there. When I don't mention it, it doesn't mean I don't care. When I don't object, it doesn't mean I agree. When I agree, doesn't mean I like it. =). Yeah, I know. I'm a spoilt brat. Call it whatever you want. It's just the way I see things. It's just the way I deal with things.

The way I rant, the way I complain, is just a way for me to release what's inside me. As for now, I neither have you nor you. And I guess all that you said were just merely a lie to cover the truth. It's not what you have done, it's what you are doing that matters. A wonderful act cannot replace the numerous insensitive acts you've conducted.

As for you, I think I've misunderstood, misconstrued and miscalculated the intentions you had. Blame me for thinking all these would end. =). Naive. Maybe you are sincere, maybe I'm not. Yeah, I'm hard to please and a pain in the ass. Take it or leave it. =).

Finished ranting here. Time to get some rest. Time to forget, forgive and relive it again? = , =. How lame can I be?~

Turning TwentyOne on the TwentyFirst.

It's been quite some time since I've last updated. =D. Been kinda lazy these few weeks. Just trying to grab hold of my life. =D. Haha. Well, this post is specially dedicated to my friends, who celebrated my 21st birthday with me. Thanks guys. So, how should I put this. Well, it started with movies in Midvalley. =). By movies I really meant more then 1. haha. Kok Ming, Pey Yi, Ben and I headed off to Midvalley at about 11 am. We got ourselves tickets to watch Surrogates.



After the movie, we hunted for something to eat. At last we decided to walk over to the Gardens and pampered ourselves to a meal at Italiannies. Some of the food were nice but some was just average. haha..However, the most important thing of all during our meal was, I got a bread-cum-cake surprise.lolz..Well, not a surprise, I guess maybe we misunderstood the waitress at 1st. Well, to say the truth, I got the chance to taste the bread-cum-cake was all because of TAN PEY YI. (You see, I even bold and uppercase your name. You must be proud *hugs*..haha). Thanks so much. Right after we finished lunch, we went directly back to Midvalley for our 2nd show. =).

This time, we watched,

Sorority Row *shrugs and runs away*

To be honest, I was not the one who wanted to watch this movie. Or should I say that, I had not intended to watch both of these movies. Kok Ming was the one who wanted to watch both of it so much. He pleaded and begged. Being such a good guy, I just couldn't disappoint him can I? lolz..He will kill me if he sees what I've said here. Neways Kok Ming, you make a good pleader and beggar. Keep up the good job. =) *hides*



Well, after the movie, we headed back to UKM to prepare for dinner with the rest of the coursemates. =). Jun Xing purposely drove back from Port Dickson just to celebrate my birthday!!~ *hugs hugs* ahahahahahaha.....Well, after everyone gathered, 10 of us altogether went over to Serdang to have our dinner at Lek Lek Restaurant = . =. Those who choose to dine there doesn't seem smart at all...lolz..The food was just not that tasty. =).

The guys~

~The girls

After gobbling down all the food (this action is only for Edison Chew, the rest ate politely), back to UKM it was. The day does not end there. Not yet at least. haha.They prepared a "surprise" for me. *wonders*...Well, not really a surprised, I knew it beforehand. =)..First they showered me with countless gifts (I know I'm a bit exxagerating , let me), then they decided to slap a plate of slimy gooey stinky dunno what type of thing onto my face body and everywhere. =(....hahaha... It was kinda fun actually, if you're not the one being slapped with it. lolz..I didn't really got hit. The only time I got smacked was when, was when I gave you chance. I gave you the opportunity to smack that slimy thing straight to my face Mr. Chan Kok Ming. Yeah, I gave you the chance. =P. Well, the day kinda ended with us cleaning ourselves up. =.=.. Thanks to those who came and celebrated my birthday for me. To name them, Edison Chew Pan Hao, Tan Yie Hua, Pua Soh Hoon, Tan Wei Low, Tan See Gin, Leong Jun Xing, Liew Kien Ben, Tan Pey Yi, and last of all, CHAN KOK MING. =o....

Free facial wash for u~~

lalala~

The next day is continued with another celebration. =D. I know my birthday is over, but those celebrations just keep coming over. haha..Don't mind me. I'm just SSS ing. Well it was not really a celebration. Just a lunch with another coursemate aka friend who couldn't make it yesterday. We had lunch together, and he got me a cake. ^^...Well physically got me one. haha..He was financially supported by others. They got me a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake!!!~~~

yummy!!!~

Thanks guys. =). Thank you Soo Kok Hoe, Tan Yie Hua and Chan Kit Yien. hahaha..Thank you Thank you Thank you. Next time I will mention that I like haagen danz cake pulak. thanks yah..=)...


Well, that kinda sums up the celebration I had during my birthday. Though there were some hiccups and disappointments along the way, it was indeed very memorable celebration for me. =). It showed me things friends would do for just a birthday celebration. Things friends are willing to do for me. =D.....hahaha..thanks so much guys. You guys made my day more meaningful. Will try to stay positive and be cheerful as always and continue to humor you guys with my not so humorous mouth. =). Take care and best of luck!!~

Makan, makan~

Haha...it's been a while now, since I've last posted something jovial? lolz...this is not really a jovial post either..

Just that the other day my friends and I went to have our dessert as dinner. How lame could one get. We had our desserts at Honeymoon somewhere near Taman Fadason, Jinjang.. The food overall was nice, I guess..lazy to elaborate any further..let the photo's do the talking la~

Quite nice o..lolx..or should i say maybe delicious?~~~

DUnno what this is.. =.=..something mango + pomelo..haha

I ordered this...looked as if I wanted tadpole eggs for dinner so much.. =.=

and have a look at this crazy guy~ =.=...

The dessert cum dinner costed about RM XX.00...We got a free joey yung album though.. Not so nice. All mandarins songs. Kinda boring. Ideal for putting you to sleep. =D...hahaha..

That's all I guess. Nothing much to talk. Nothing much to express. Just a simple mind saying that, I'm quite pleased with my life. For now. =D

Prinsip Proses Kimia

Buat kali pertamanya, saya berbahasa Melayu dalam blog saya. Buat apa? Kenapa?

Kerana geram dan frust dengan prinsip proses kimia yang pembelajaran dan pengajarannya dalam bahasa Melayu tetapi peperiksaan dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Tolonglah pakai otak sikit. =(. Kami jurutera-akan-datang, bukan penterjemah bahasa terkemuka.

Apa gunanya belajar dalam bahasa melayu terma terma jurutera? nak berkomunikasi dengan orang putih dengan bahasa Melayu?

Bukan sahaja tak maju, malah makin undur. =(.

Dalam proses pengunduran, banyak lagi yang terdedah kepada stress dan tension. Bye bye~.

Lame~
PPK be gentle, be sweet,
You let me ace you
I will love u bitter and sweet. =(

The veil

Underneath these happy vibes that has been continuously shown

There is no doubt a sorrow behind this veil

A sorrow that not one can see

A sorrow that not one can understand

But deep beneath the veil, a shattering emotion resides

It is not to be unleashed

Just being kept

Waiting for the day

When it soon will subside

Waiting for the time

When it does not matter any longer

Waiting anxiously,

For the day this veil is no longer needed

That's the day, I've been waiting for.

A fragment of memory in Singapore~

There is a fragment of memory, that I wish to keep.

There is a tiny bit of agenda, that I wish it will prolong.

There is a part of my memory, that if I made the other choice, will it be the same?

There is always a part of me, thinking how it could have been, and not how it has happened.

But all there is now is just moving on the road that I've chosen and hoping that it will end as fast as it begun. Thinking positively, I think it will. =D

Spent 3 days 2 nights in Singapore and just got back a few hours ago. The feel was indeed different. Accommodation was "sponsored" my our lovely Ms. Maggie Mee..*grins*..Stayed at her relative's house in Woodlands for the first night. During the second night, went over to NUS to find my friends and sought refuge from them..haha..Luckilly one of them entertained me and took me to the upper lounge of their hall and I spent my night there. =). Thank you~ *muacks*

Well, the main reason I went to Singapore was to visit a friend that I know I have little chance to meet. Due to the fact that he lives in JB and I in KL. Moreover, we both study in different higher institutions in different countries. Meeting him again after more than a year was kinda relieving for me. At last we managed to meet up with each other albeit the barrier that has been built between us.

It was indeed pleasant. And the times we spent together seemed to fly by so fast. Not much could be said, maybe the distances between us made limited of things that we could converse with each other. Maybe it felt kind of awkward as it has been more than a year since we've met and we only got to know each other for only about 2 weeks. Though the bond has only just been formed at that 2 weeks, I tried to not let go of that connection.

Yeah, all I can say is, I miss the few weeks I had in UKM. If given the chance, I would even consider giving up what I have now to get back what I had during the first 2 weeks of my university life. Thanks for giving me a memorable beginning and I hope I can find a memorable ending too. Thanks for sacrificing your time for me during my stay in Singapore and may this not be the last time we meet. Looking forward to coming meet ups with you, if any. Glad to have a friend like you, contented to be who I am.