There is a fragment of memory, that I wish to keep.
There is a tiny bit of agenda, that I wish it will prolong.
There is a part of my memory, that if I made the other choice, will it be the same?
There is always a part of me, thinking how it could have been, and not how it has happened.
But all there is now is just moving on the road that I've chosen and hoping that it will end as fast as it begun. Thinking positively, I think it will. =D
Spent 3 days 2 nights in Singapore and just got back a few hours ago. The feel was indeed different. Accommodation was "sponsored" my our lovely Ms. Maggie Mee..*grins*..Stayed at her relative's house in Woodlands for the first night. During the second night, went over to NUS to find my friends and sought refuge from them..haha..Luckilly one of them entertained me and took me to the upper lounge of their hall and I spent my night there. =). Thank you~ *muacks*
Well, the main reason I went to Singapore was to visit a friend that I know I have little chance to meet. Due to the fact that he lives in JB and I in KL. Moreover, we both study in different higher institutions in different countries. Meeting him again after more than a year was kinda relieving for me. At last we managed to meet up with each other albeit the barrier that has been built between us.
It was indeed pleasant. And the times we spent together seemed to fly by so fast. Not much could be said, maybe the distances between us made limited of things that we could converse with each other. Maybe it felt kind of awkward as it has been more than a year since we've met and we only got to know each other for only about 2 weeks. Though the bond has only just been formed at that 2 weeks, I tried to not let go of that connection.
Yeah, all I can say is, I miss the few weeks I had in UKM. If given the chance, I would even consider giving up what I have now to get back what I had during the first 2 weeks of my university life. Thanks for giving me a memorable beginning and I hope I can find a memorable ending too. Thanks for sacrificing your time for me during my stay in Singapore and may this not be the last time we meet. Looking forward to coming meet ups with you, if any. Glad to have a friend like you, contented to be who I am.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
In a few hours time~
Saturday, September 19, 2009
In a few hours time, I would be in Sekinchan.
In a few hours time, I would be running around in the paddy field like nobody's business.
In a few hours time, I would be eating like there's no tomorrow.
In a few hours time, I would be enjoying my first escapade.
Yeah, tell me about it. In a few hours time I would be off.
=D
In a few hours time, I would be running around in the paddy field like nobody's business.
In a few hours time, I would be eating like there's no tomorrow.
In a few hours time, I would be enjoying my first escapade.
Yeah, tell me about it. In a few hours time I would be off.
=D
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A year or so~
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
It's been more then a year, since I've enrolled in UKM. Before entering, I vowed to never get emotionally entangled in anymore friendship problems. Never to get to close to anyone because I knew that in the end, someone will get hurt.
However, it was easier said than done. The loneliness throughout the first few days in the university was overwhelming. I tried to remain calm and composed. Tried to keep my distance from my just known course mates. However, I couldn't just ignore the loneliness inside me. Not throughout the 4 years of my university life. Hence, I let myself got close to you.
Maybe it was just fate. Or was HE trying to fool around with me? Well, I never blamed HIM for whatever of these that happened. You needed my help, so you asked. And maybe that made us close. Or maybe at least it was for me. You have the right not to say so. Moreover, you just stayed across my room. I felt some connection, maybe because of the similarity of our horoscope. I know maybe it's superficial. But sometimes it's true.
But guess what, all my joy was short-lived after all. For all I knew, you had accepted an offer from NUS. How would I not have guessed, a four flatter like you would definitely keeps your options open wide. When you borrowed my notebook to check the status of your loan application, I wished it did not pass. I know. I'm selfish. You got it anyway.
The process of seeing you getting ready to leave for NUS was undeniably sad I guess. What made it more painful was that I had to go through the whole procedure of you leaving together with you. When you asked me whether you should stay in UKM or go over to NUS, I really had no idea on how to tell you. That is why I chose to remain neutral on both sides. You had to make you own decision. How can I tell you to stay in UKM for my own benefit?
The day came when you had to leave. The night before, I was not sleeping when you came in. Have I known that you were all going to KUO for a farewell party, I would have indeed followed I guess. Thinking back, we did not really have a proper farewell. Maybe I just couldn't accept the fact. The day you went, I saw you leave through the window knowing that I would once be lonely yet again.
I tried to keep in touch, but I guess maybe the both of us are too busy with our own lives till we became more and more distant. I knew that this will sure happen. I am more then glad that once in a while at least we could IM one another. I couldn't ask for more. Though I still feel the emptiness sometimes, it will all get better in time.
Having that experience in the first few weeks of my life in UKM was indeed not fun. However, it did not stop there. I tried to be more open or else I might rot and no one would know. Well as fate has it, I got to know another course mate who is also a libran. We talked a lot. At least through SMS. He is a person who is more expressive through SMS rather than talking in person. I respect that as I could feel that he really treated me as a fren.
We were quite close initially, but soon, maybe he guessed that he couldn't just befriend me alone and got back to his clique soon after. Though after that, we still contacted each other and he would find me to help him in his studies.I never knew whether I managed to help him or not. Reason was I myself was in a mess. Even now.
Few months passed and maybe I could feel the distance. Or maybe I'm the one creating the distance between us? I did not know as it happened too fast. Fast until I did not notice it left before it came. If given the chance, I would maybe choose to remain good friends with you. I would like to take this chance to apologize to you if I might have done anything to hurt you. I never meant for it to happen. I know you will never see this post, but as I've said, maybe it will get better in time.
Last but not least, I guess you would be the last one. No point going through how we met and how we became close. I guess both of us are very well aware of it. And both of us are very well aware that there is a problem, with no one to solve it. Maybe you just don't want it to be solved? I won't make any conclusions here.
At first I really thought that the problem came from me. You said I gave you pressure, I stopped the things that I do that make you pressured. You said I tied you too tight, I loosened the string. I've done everything I can, to preserve our friendship. You always said that friends should be go naturally, but there is already a tumor in it. So let me ask you, how can things go naturally if there is a tumor? I could only respect what you said.
I guess the argument the other day broke the silence in you. You really wanted to let go of your anger on me. Let me make things clear that I did not asked for an argument with you. I spoke nicely at first but you started raising your voice. Though I knew you a ready for a fight, I tried to remain calm. I did not want to widen the crack that has already been formed in our friendship. And guess what? You just didn't give up. Congratulations. You won the fight. But can I say that you lost a friend?
You kind of apologized the other day but maybe I just couldn't hear the word sorry. Well friends aren't supposed to be too offended by these things anyway. Especially if you really treat him truthfully. At least that was what I guessed.
After a few days, we started to contact each other lesser and lesser. And I wondered why. I asked you for a drink and you said okay. Maybe it was just to please me? I don't know. After the drink things remained the same.
I was quite dumb-founded. I though I was being sensitive all over again. However this time I guess maybe I was not. Another person also thinks that you are always SMSing someone. Not me. Not those that we were aware of. Putting all the puzzles together, it became evident that you have found a friend that understands you more than what I could have.
You found someone to replace me. Or was I never in the competition at all? It took us aprroximately 7 months and 9 days to be where we are now, and you just needed a week or so to forget all of these. Maybe I'm just not worthy of being your friend. Maybe I just try too hard. However and whatever that has happened, I still treat you as a friend. A close one, even if you don't, ever again.
Let you be the last one, that I get emotionally entangled with, let you be the last one I would try so hard to be friends with, let this be the last time I would be posting on this blog on how we could be and not how we are. Let this be the last time, I would trust someone so full-heartedly and let this be the last time you hear me say, we have a problem. We don't have any. Only I do. So let this be the last post on this matter. I never once regretted what happened between us as I know that the joyful moments are abundant and is able to compensate for the unhappy ones. It was a nice experience. Thank you.
However, it was easier said than done. The loneliness throughout the first few days in the university was overwhelming. I tried to remain calm and composed. Tried to keep my distance from my just known course mates. However, I couldn't just ignore the loneliness inside me. Not throughout the 4 years of my university life. Hence, I let myself got close to you.
Maybe it was just fate. Or was HE trying to fool around with me? Well, I never blamed HIM for whatever of these that happened. You needed my help, so you asked. And maybe that made us close. Or maybe at least it was for me. You have the right not to say so. Moreover, you just stayed across my room. I felt some connection, maybe because of the similarity of our horoscope. I know maybe it's superficial. But sometimes it's true.
But guess what, all my joy was short-lived after all. For all I knew, you had accepted an offer from NUS. How would I not have guessed, a four flatter like you would definitely keeps your options open wide. When you borrowed my notebook to check the status of your loan application, I wished it did not pass. I know. I'm selfish. You got it anyway.
The process of seeing you getting ready to leave for NUS was undeniably sad I guess. What made it more painful was that I had to go through the whole procedure of you leaving together with you. When you asked me whether you should stay in UKM or go over to NUS, I really had no idea on how to tell you. That is why I chose to remain neutral on both sides. You had to make you own decision. How can I tell you to stay in UKM for my own benefit?
The day came when you had to leave. The night before, I was not sleeping when you came in. Have I known that you were all going to KUO for a farewell party, I would have indeed followed I guess. Thinking back, we did not really have a proper farewell. Maybe I just couldn't accept the fact. The day you went, I saw you leave through the window knowing that I would once be lonely yet again.
I tried to keep in touch, but I guess maybe the both of us are too busy with our own lives till we became more and more distant. I knew that this will sure happen. I am more then glad that once in a while at least we could IM one another. I couldn't ask for more. Though I still feel the emptiness sometimes, it will all get better in time.
Having that experience in the first few weeks of my life in UKM was indeed not fun. However, it did not stop there. I tried to be more open or else I might rot and no one would know. Well as fate has it, I got to know another course mate who is also a libran. We talked a lot. At least through SMS. He is a person who is more expressive through SMS rather than talking in person. I respect that as I could feel that he really treated me as a fren.
We were quite close initially, but soon, maybe he guessed that he couldn't just befriend me alone and got back to his clique soon after. Though after that, we still contacted each other and he would find me to help him in his studies.I never knew whether I managed to help him or not. Reason was I myself was in a mess. Even now.
Few months passed and maybe I could feel the distance. Or maybe I'm the one creating the distance between us? I did not know as it happened too fast. Fast until I did not notice it left before it came. If given the chance, I would maybe choose to remain good friends with you. I would like to take this chance to apologize to you if I might have done anything to hurt you. I never meant for it to happen. I know you will never see this post, but as I've said, maybe it will get better in time.
Last but not least, I guess you would be the last one. No point going through how we met and how we became close. I guess both of us are very well aware of it. And both of us are very well aware that there is a problem, with no one to solve it. Maybe you just don't want it to be solved? I won't make any conclusions here.
At first I really thought that the problem came from me. You said I gave you pressure, I stopped the things that I do that make you pressured. You said I tied you too tight, I loosened the string. I've done everything I can, to preserve our friendship. You always said that friends should be go naturally, but there is already a tumor in it. So let me ask you, how can things go naturally if there is a tumor? I could only respect what you said.
I guess the argument the other day broke the silence in you. You really wanted to let go of your anger on me. Let me make things clear that I did not asked for an argument with you. I spoke nicely at first but you started raising your voice. Though I knew you a ready for a fight, I tried to remain calm. I did not want to widen the crack that has already been formed in our friendship. And guess what? You just didn't give up. Congratulations. You won the fight. But can I say that you lost a friend?
You kind of apologized the other day but maybe I just couldn't hear the word sorry. Well friends aren't supposed to be too offended by these things anyway. Especially if you really treat him truthfully. At least that was what I guessed.
After a few days, we started to contact each other lesser and lesser. And I wondered why. I asked you for a drink and you said okay. Maybe it was just to please me? I don't know. After the drink things remained the same.
I was quite dumb-founded. I though I was being sensitive all over again. However this time I guess maybe I was not. Another person also thinks that you are always SMSing someone. Not me. Not those that we were aware of. Putting all the puzzles together, it became evident that you have found a friend that understands you more than what I could have.
You found someone to replace me. Or was I never in the competition at all? It took us aprroximately 7 months and 9 days to be where we are now, and you just needed a week or so to forget all of these. Maybe I'm just not worthy of being your friend. Maybe I just try too hard. However and whatever that has happened, I still treat you as a friend. A close one, even if you don't, ever again.
Let you be the last one, that I get emotionally entangled with, let you be the last one I would try so hard to be friends with, let this be the last time I would be posting on this blog on how we could be and not how we are. Let this be the last time, I would trust someone so full-heartedly and let this be the last time you hear me say, we have a problem. We don't have any. Only I do. So let this be the last post on this matter. I never once regretted what happened between us as I know that the joyful moments are abundant and is able to compensate for the unhappy ones. It was a nice experience. Thank you.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
Friday, September 4, 2009
Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends who are a consistent part of our lives throughout all our ups and downs. However, sometimes others we consider friends appear to enter, then depart from our lives for reasons we try to, but don't always, understand. This piece nicely explains the flow of people in and out of our lives.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON, b ecause your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
True friends never leave each other, even if one of them is walking on the wrong path of life. A true friend will try to correct the other in a way that it does not hurt the ego of the other friend. Friends don't mind when mistakes are pointed out; rather they try to accept it and change themselves for the better. True friends are those, who inspire others to become a better person in life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON, b ecause your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
True friends never leave each other, even if one of them is walking on the wrong path of life. A true friend will try to correct the other in a way that it does not hurt the ego of the other friend. Friends don't mind when mistakes are pointed out; rather they try to accept it and change themselves for the better. True friends are those, who inspire others to become a better person in life.
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