There is only so much that I can take

It's almost a week now. My anger became regret, my regret became remorse, and my remorse became repent.

Albeit all that, I still couldn't win your forgiveness. I really meant no harm with the words that I said. You used to push me around with your jokes. I never thought that you would be hurt that way. By my words. Or is it not the reason?

At least if you're angry you could at least tell me. You just chose to ignore me. And ignore me. And ignore me. There is only so much that I can take. I'm really running out of options. People ask me to not care. But could I not?

What I thought, was not the same now anymore. People say that as time changes, people change. Are you one of them? I really hope you're not. These few days, I've just not been myself. You know my character and yet you let me, ignore me, and left me to fend for myself.

I just don't know what else I can do to redeem myself. To have back a friend like you. There is only so much that I can do. I really don't know what else I can do. Do you wan me to kneel down and beg you? Cos that's what I'm willing to do. Yeah, pathetic I guess, but that's the state I am now.

Pathetic

&

Hopeless.

Into thin air~

You don't have to hide.

You don't have to run away.

I will be the one.

To do the little disappearing act.

So save your time, save your energy.

Cause you know what?

Your time starts now.

Emotional or Emotionless?

Is it so hard to keep a promise?

A promise not to someone else, but to your own.

You betrayed yourself.

What's worse is that you can't punish yourself for breaking that promise because you are already hurt by the process itself. =(.

You're just not strong enough to withstand the temptation.

You're just too weak to prolong in this situation.

You're just useless without someone accompanying you.

You're nothing, as compared to others. =)

Guess I'm trying not hard enough as once again, the emotions are back again. =,="

For the past few weeks, I guess I tried to wipe away all these feelings. It is not because it is not there, but I just ignored it and tell myself it would be a better day tomorrow. =). As much as I've tried, I think I have became a casualty.

But well, this time things might be different. Different in a way that I'm slowly rotting and crumbling and this time, nobody is there. When I don't mention it, it doesn't mean I don't care. When I don't object, it doesn't mean I agree. When I agree, doesn't mean I like it. =). Yeah, I know. I'm a spoilt brat. Call it whatever you want. It's just the way I see things. It's just the way I deal with things.

The way I rant, the way I complain, is just a way for me to release what's inside me. As for now, I neither have you nor you. And I guess all that you said were just merely a lie to cover the truth. It's not what you have done, it's what you are doing that matters. A wonderful act cannot replace the numerous insensitive acts you've conducted.

As for you, I think I've misunderstood, misconstrued and miscalculated the intentions you had. Blame me for thinking all these would end. =). Naive. Maybe you are sincere, maybe I'm not. Yeah, I'm hard to please and a pain in the ass. Take it or leave it. =).

Finished ranting here. Time to get some rest. Time to forget, forgive and relive it again? = , =. How lame can I be?~