Who am I?

It lingers in my memory back and forth. Who am I to you? Am I just another normal friend in your life waiting to be dismissed by you when the time has come? I thought that you could be the one I can count on, depend on and what more trust. Now I know, I'm nothing but a child trying to fool himself by thinking he can catch a moon in the river. After all these years of being cheated, back-stabbed and being lied straight to the face I really thought of giving up, not ever wanting to have anymore emotional disturbances in my vicinity. My safety-zone.

And then, I knew you. It's funny how we've seen each other for about a year but only managed to practically talk to each other early this year. I did not even see it coming at the first place, but after I've noticed it, I tried to strengthen our friendship. The reason was simple. I just thought that we had a lot of similarities and I felt a click between us. I don't know if you felt it too. I did. I really treated you as my closest friend from that point onwards.

I know that some day, something like this would happen. What I never knew was it could be that bad. Or should I say good? Cold war. I dislike cold war. Maybe it's my fault, but I deserve an explanation, not a cold war. Things went really rough whereby I lost my appetite and could not even concentrate for my final exams. God bless my final exams results *namo amitabha*

Everything seemed fine after a few days, and we were talking again. But maybe it's the existence of knowing there was something wrong, our conversations were limited and constrained. I believe that time will cure everything eventually. And I think I was right. We are still friends now and I guess I could not ask for more. Every now and then, it just bothers me that why am I the one who should do all the changing whereas he just sits down and be himself. Am I the only one with a problem here? I have difficulties talking face to face sometimes because I'm not used to it. And some things are hard to say when you're facing the person rather then just telling him/her through IM. Why must I be the one who makes the changes?Why am I being sensitive all again? *I'm not getting sensitive, I just want to voice out*

I don't know whether I hope for you to read this post or not, but all I can say is that I really appreciate what you did and nothing can ever change. You will still be my closest friend maybe not forever but at least for as long as I remember. I don't and won't care what you will think. Take care of yourself and may God bless you.